Setting an Example

A happy marriage is the result of thousands of decisions we make as to how we will treat our spouse.

Sometimes we can forget to speak to our spouses using kind, compassionate, friendly, loving and appreciative communication. We can forget, that our children are observing us and making some serious decisions about gender issues, relationship issues and will eventually, begin to model to others, what they hear from us, when we are speaking to and with our spouses.

Take a deep breath here if you need to.

Not one of us means to be short, snappy, critical or disrespectful, to our spouse, but it can happen.

Personally, I am as crazy about my husband today, as I was when I first met him. It isn’t always easy, but we both work on it, not only for ourselves, but for our children as well.

We want our kids to have strong, loving relationships with their spouses and they are learning from us what that looks like and sounds like. I can see my kids watching us, storing information for a later date and in fact, I am beginning to witness some of the decisions they have made about male/female relationships as they enter into the dating world.

It is a clear and present reminder to both of us that we are always, yes always, teaching our children something. So we best be mindful of what we are teaching.

Tips for Success:

  • Listen to yourself for the next few days. Find the courage to do a true and honest evaluation of your daily communication style with your spouse.

  • Commit to using a more “appreciative communication style” for the next 21 days and then take the time to “notice” for yourself, what changes are occurring.

  • Using appreciations, especially when they are unexpected is a powerful tool in creating a kind, compassionate, understanding and accepting family dynamic.

  • Make sure that your appreciations are sincere and spontaneous. For instance, in the middle of a TV show, blurt something kind out so that everyone looks at you in a slightly questioning way, or shout across the room – Hey, ya know what I love about you……or walk out of the kitchen and whisper something sweet into your spouses ear. The smile on their face will convey to the kids that whatever you said, made the other person feel good inside.

Modeling for our children, is the most powerful teaching we do as parents. It also seems to be the most difficult. Take inventory over the next week and see if there aren’t ways that you can improve the relationship with your spouse – even if it’s already awesome – so that when your children are considering spending the rest of their lives with someone, they look to you as their role models.