AFTER Brother Shaved Her Head…

sproutsDrumroll…

IT GREW BACK!

Highlight for mom:  Because she chose to “duct tape” her reactions, she enhanced the relationship with her child. She let the lesson run its course, and her daughter accepted the “natural consequences” of shaving her head!

Highlight for Lily:  Well, it was “fun” having her brother buzz it, but “it didn’t turn out how she expected.” She then discovered hair grows back in “sprouts” and she had the chance to ponder what she would do differently next time.

Here’s the original #ducttapemoment:

6 thoughts on “AFTER Brother Shaved Her Head…

  1. While I am a big fan of natural and logical consequences, I don’t think this specific incident should be highlighted as something to emulate. These clearly young children were showering without supervision for over a half hour? WIth scissors??? Can you imagine the other things that could have happened…? These are not tweens or teens – from the picture, the girl looks very young. Of course hair will grow back, but what if someone slipped and fell on the scissors??? This is an example of hands-off parenting that has gone one step too far…

    1. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Here is my take on this. First, you are assuming that these children have not been showering by themselves safely for several years and that mom just “allowed” them to jump in unsupervised. This is not the case. Second, as a mom of five, even if I had been hyper vigilant, I would have missed the spontaneous hair cuts, shaved eyebrows, poked eyes due to mascara experimentation. I believe, that most parents have their child’s safety and well being in mind and that in spite of that, stuff happens. This mom didn’t just throw up her hands and say “oh well”. What she was celebrating was her ability to remain calm and respectful, and to talk with her kids after the fact and create boundaries and agreements about scissors, showers and other factors. I hardly think that going ballistic or doling out logical consequences, after the hair is cut does much to ensure that it won’t happen again. A less is more approach to parenting is not about NOT parenting. It’s easy to interpret situations in a way that supports our particular parenting approach. Luckily, there is room for everyone to create their own parenting style.

      1. Yep, I get most of that. But I am vigilant about water and bathing safety. When I was a teenager, my friend’s brother (6 or 7) bathed by himself because his parents had watched and determined he could do it safely. One day, after he had been in the tub for quite awhile they went in to find he had taken a hair dryer into the tub to dry his hair. He was gone. Had they told him not to take the dryer and other electrical appliances near water? Yes. Did I do that with my own children from an early age? Of course, even in the way you teach: “Yes, and…” Asking them to tell me how they are going to ensure their own safety. But I am not willing to live with that natural consequence of curiosity that sometime arises out of nowhere. Kids are impulsive and it is my job to teach them and let them learn safely. But ultimately, it is my job to make sure they are safe until they are old enough (and even in my own house, each kid was different!) to keep themselves safe. And they were all showering on their own well before the time that anyone thought it was awkward to have mom or dad checking in… But you’re right, every parent handles these situations differently…

  2. This reminds me of when my daughter was 9 months old and insisted on climbing the stairs and climbing into her highchair. I decided I could spend countless hours (and energy) keeping her from doing this or I could spend the same amount of time or maybe less time teaching her how to climb up and down the stairs and into her highchair, safely. Believe me my sisters-in-law gave me the unapproving gasp and eye roll and head shake every time she started up and down those stairs, but I knew she would be ok, because I taught her and we practiced. Now, I know that accidents happen but I also know that my daughter is better prepared to handle the world, because I taught her how to navigate the world with those dangers in mind. I also did not freak out (which I know was the point of this story) when mistakes happened – which kept the door open for her to keep trying. I actually don’t think of Duct Tape Parenting as hands-off – I feel very hands-on – it is just I focus on the positive and what my kids can do and I teach them and give them time to practice what they can’t do, yet. I imagine there is so much behind this story that we don’t know and so much that grew out of it, in addition to the hair.

    1. Exactly. Thank you so much for sharing your story. It captures the intent of this less is more approach to parenting. As a mom who got enough hairy eye-balls to last 2 life times, I so appreciate it when parents find the courage to take a deep breath and follow their own guiding light. Again, thank you for taking the time to respond. Vicki

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